I’ve got a pimple
on the right side of my face
dripping creamy-colored puss
into the corner of my mouth,
pooling under my tongue
like vanilla pudding.
Every time I speak,
it splashes out
and dribbles down
my bottom lip
when my lover kisses me
it fills his mouth, his throat
suffocating all his words
till it crawls out his tear ducts.
I wipe his cupid’s bow
with Dollar Store paper towels,
leaving dry skin
for snot to sleep on.
Day 18 of NaPoWriMo
April 18, 2014
Weasel Press has decided to publish my chapbook “Toast is Just Bread That Put Up a Fight!”
This will be my first ever chapbook. It’ll include pieces such as “It’s Bad Enough I See Jesus in My Toast,” “I Have a Collection of Castrated Pensises in My Closet,” “Blowjobs and Boyfriends,” and “Fluoxetine Withdrawal.”
We still have a lot of work to due before it is ready to be published such as getting the cover art done, arranging pieces, etc, so it is currently set for release in late fall of this year. I’ll post updates on here as we work through the process!
In the mean time, go check out Weasel Press! It’s a newer press, but is already putting out some really good work. They’re also still open for submissions!
I opened the stall door
on a girl taking a piss
She threw a roll of toilet paper at my face
and shouted “Ten points to Gryffindor”
before running away,
pants around her ankles.
Now, I’m eating microwavable mac’n’cheese with mustard,
looking around every corner
for Gryffindor Girl to earn some more points
by banging Slytherin. Then again, I already saw,
Ravenclaw giving Slytherin head
in the second stall I opened.
Glass eels are declining in the wild.
Science says that it’s because
of a parasitic nematode
that likes to sit and have tea
on the swim bladder,
but I think
fishermen are shipping them
to America where they’re being made
into glass dildos
like the one I saw at the sex shop yesterday.
April 17, 2014
Day 17 of NaPoWriMo
Some pregnant Floridian woman
went on a crack binge and gave birth
in a motel before gnawing off the umbilical cord,
but according to the article on her computer,
Goji berries can fuck up your blood thinners
and also make you a Yoga Celebrity in 10 easy steps, but only if you
read spiritual wisdom from an idiot
while you juice them in the kitchen.
April 16, 2014
Day 16 of NaPoWriMo
Pluto might have oceans underneath
it’s outer skin.
There could be alien mermaids
With seashell icicles covering their breasts,
swimming just a handful and a half
light years away from us.
Maybe my great uncle was right when he told me
dolphins are from outerspace at that one family reunion.
They could have been mermaid steeds
that got a little too cocky
or perhaps they’re on their rumspringa,
pouring alcohol down their blowholes.
When they finish their return shuttle,
I’m sure they’ll let me squeeze between their flippers
in the middle seat of the back row
while they listen to Tom Petty and fly back home.
April 15, 2014
Day 15 of NaPoWriMo
I keep goatskin cloaks in my closet
right next to my ironic t-shirts.
None of those are fitting anymore,
since I’ve been dining on cafeteria food,
I’ve considered shopping in the maternity section
of Goodwill for some newer, baby-related puns
to wear when I drink my daily Vitamin C supplement,
but I can only find Wikipedia articles
about a Goddess Queen
and the cure for foodbabies.
April 14, 2014
Day 14 of NaPoWriMo